Episode 01: A Psychotherapist Gets Counseling

“Alice and Caterpillar” Color Plate by Gertrude Alice Kay, In Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol, 1st Edition, 1923

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Peer Consultation - A Kind of Counseling

In this episode, I speak with my own Peer Consultant, Lou. Peer Consultation is a form of counseling between colleagues who use their clinical skills to make sense of things and take care of themselves.

I needed this counseling session, because I had become overwhelmed by a whole lot of life challenges that piled up quickly. I share the session with you as an example of self-management and how to “get by with a little help from my friends” (Billy Shears, The Beatles, 1967.)

Transcript

Welcome to “Psychotherapists Say It Like It Is”.

I am Dr. Vic Bloomberg.

Today’s episode: “A Psychotherapist Gets Counseling”.

[Vic] Would you tell me again what you just told me?

[Lou] Sure. You’re a meditator, right?

[Vic] I don’t like meditating, but I know how to do it. I prefer sitting out and watching the birds and zoning out in the backyard. And all of that. It’s really hard for me to quiet my brain down. I did learn not to fight it and just consider every thought a scene in a train, looking out the window. So any thought or any sound or any sensation in my body and just keep floating back to my breath. So when I get into it, I’m successful at it. I understand what I’m doing. And that’s what I teach. What you’re suggesting that I do, are you suggesting that I change my behaviors to take care of myself? I don’t want to.

[Lou] I’m suggesting you add a behavior.

[Vic] OK. I really think that’s what my body is doing with no intention on my part. Though I have intentionally been trying to step away from being agitated as soon as I realized it. Well, sometimes I’m a meditator. But I am a zone-out-er.

[Lou] I believe you. I agree with you when you say, “This is what you do and it works.” I totally believe you. The reason I’m asking now about this is just to get started with your body. You know just to get in touch with your body and then talk to it.

[Vic] My body is discombobulated all over the place. I’ve got arthritis developing in my joints. I’ve got this difficulty swallowing which the doctor who investigated that says, “Well, it’s somehow neurological. There’s nothing we can see that would explain it. But it’s happening.” Now I’ve got this immune response. It’s in my body somewhere telling me, you know.

[Lou] That reminds me. I was very fortunate. The supervisor of the program that I did my internship in, at Cambridge Hospital which is a Harvard Medical School site, was Deb Hulihan. She’s friggin’ brilliant. She was amazing and a really good person. One of the things she said was “If you have a client who had 42 diagnoses, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter. It’s all from the same source.” It’s sort of like different flowers in a garden, it’s like not a big deal, which was helpful to me as a practitioner and also as a person with my own stuff. And to the people whom I worked with who were freaking out ‘cause they had this laundry list. It’s like “holy shit.” But, it’s like it’s not a big deal. So that’s the first thing that occurs to me when you say that. It’s like, yeah, you had all sorts of stuff to deal with. It crops up in your body in various ways. And so yeah it’s like yeah hey, take a deep breath.

[Vic] OK.

[Lou] So I would say in the beginning to do something about letting your body relax, to open the door. And then thanking it. And saying it's OK you can continue to relax. We’re in a different place now. We’re safe, we’re loved. I really appreciate all the work you’ve done over the years. But now we can lighten up a bit. And then you might want to ask it, “Anything you wanna tell me?”

[Vic] That’s it?

[Lou] Yeah, I think so.

[Vic] Easy’s fine with me. I like simple.

[Lou] Yeah I do, too. How often do we get it? So in the beginning you can go down through: let your forehead relax, let your face relax. Each part of your - I’m sounding silly, you know, but...

[Vic] No.

[Lou] Or you can just …

[Vic] This is very similar to the visual massage that Sister Pat who was a chaplain at hospice, she called it visual massage because some of the patients were in such pain you couldn't touch them. And I’ve turned that into a guided relaxation which is on my website. So what you're saying about, how did you put it? Ask my body what do you want to tell me? And then relax my forehead, and my cheeks, and my nose, my jaw. Right?

[Lou] Yes. Yes. And anytime always feel free to do what you do. You know yourself well and you know where you are that day. It varies day to day. So if there’s anything you want to skip, just skip it. I sometimes let it play because I don't feel like finding the nobs and all of that jazz on the technology. But I just don’t listen. You know, and then when I get to a part that I want to listen to if there is one, I start to listen again. However you wanna do it at any time. It's good.

[Vic] Well this is a huge pivot, turning point, inflection point, tipping point in my life where am I going to backslide into the same old same old, or am I going to get on over to the better side of the hill?

[Lou] And that’s you know you’ve already started doing that. And that's what you were telling me. You know you were talking about yesterday. You can list the number of people who you know that they love you, and you know that they accept your love and it’s a whole other thing and that’s like a foundation.

[Vic] It really is. It sounds so corny. But it only sounds corny to me because it’s not how I was raised.

[Lou] Right.

[Vic] My good friend Richard has said with all the problems, some of them intense and severe, and fatal, shat the family he grew up in, he’s one of 15, he goes, “I always knew I was loved.” Richard and I go back decades, and I go, “Well I didn’t know that.” And he goes, “Well I know, that's why I'm telling you this. But now you are.” It's sinking in. I think it’s set. I think it is my new, well, I don't think, I know. This is my new foundation.

[Lou] Awesome.

[Vic] So I could look at taking all these different pills. “[Grumble] another pill.” This list of ailments, it doesn't matter. It's like each pill is, ‘I’m taking care of myself.’ It's a much better attitude.

[Lou] Yeah. It’s cool too because you know your body learns to do that relaxation thing and do that self-love thing. And you can click into it like in a second. I mean as much time as you want on it, half an hour, two hours, whatever. Or you can do it in like 10 seconds.

[Vic] Tell me again what you said before I start recording us. You said something like the body listens to you, you can talk to it?

[Lou] Yep, you can have a conversation with it. Yep. This comes from the Firestone Group, Bob Firestone, doing verbal therapy. Instead of saying “I”, if you say “you” to your body it does something different. And something cool. I'm not sure why. It gets to the unconscious. You know, it gets to the part that we don't think about as “I”. So I think, somehow or another, it's a cool thing.

[Vic] Well, it sounds fascinating, this tricking ourselves so that we lose the unconscious that holds us back, in terms of the body by addressing the body as “you” whatever works to unclench the fight flight freeze response. Whatever works. Like John Lennon said, you know, “Whatever gets you through the night is alright.” Whatever helps you unclench. A genuine unclench. I don't think there's can be anything other than a genuine, well, I think maybe misuse and abuse of drugs and sex and gambling and media consumption, maybe these are inauthentic false unclenches. It feels like you're unclenched, but on the level that we're talking about, in which the subconscious and the unconscious clenches from injuries in the past, that's not getting unclenched by this illusion caused by this other short list I made. So maybe by talking to my own body as “you” creates enough ego distance so I can unclench.

[Lou] Makes sense.

[Vic] Sort of like why I want your voice instead of mine. When I get myself it's like I'm part of my own pattern. I need help from my friends, which is what I tell everybody. You know: self-management, a little help from your friends, a wonderful village to live in and social movements to be part of. That's the formula for ongoing healing and get back to I-Thou instead of the It-Thing stuff. I think that's why I wanted to record you doing the set up.

[Lou] There’s also, by the way, a guy from Thailand, I think, Mantak Chia. There was a person here in the Boston area who studied with him a lot. You can go through your body and thank each piece, thank your lungs, thank your stomach. There’s a different color and there’s a way of breathing. Sit on the edge of the chair so your first chakra, your earth chakra, it’s free and able to breathe. Your feet are on the floor. And you lift your arms in a circle in front of you. You have your arms, like out, turn it like you're holding a big beach ball, and you lift them up so that your hands face out. And breathe. Visualize that organ. I did it for quite a while. I think it really helped my lung stuff. It’s just another way. I think the ancients often knew things. They really took it to a deep place. I think there’s something in this as well.

[Vic] Absolutely. Thank you.

[Lou] You’re welcome, and yourself. So do you want me to talk through it in a more just doing it kind of way?

[Vic] Oh wow that would be so wonderful, thank you. Yes. I’m ready.

[Lou] So you’re sitting comfortably.

[Vic] Yes.

[Lou] And you’re sitting so you know straight enough so your back feels good and your head feels your neck is happy with the way your head is.

[Vic] Yes.

[Lou] And nothing’s crossed. Like you know, ankles or knees or nothing is gonna fall asleep and be pins and needles. You can close your eyes or you can look at a spot on the floor. Whatever feels comfortable, right for today. And then, starting at the top of your head, you can just think about the top of your head relaxing, your scalp relaxing. All the tension that we tend to carry without even realizing it, letting go. And breathing as you go. And then your face. The area between your eyebrows sometimes gets clenched and crunched, your forehead, your eyes and eyelids, your cheeks, your nose, your jaw. Your mouth will open a little bit and that’s fine. Back of your head, back of your neck, just letting go. Just being easy. There’s no work to do. Just being itself. Each piece just being itself: your ears, sides of your neck, on down into your shoulders. Sometimes we keep our shoulders lifted. Let them let go. Just ride on your spine. On down into your upper arms, your elbows, your lower arms. No doing right now. Just being. Down into your wrists, your palms, your fingers. Relaxed. Whatever their natural curve is. And back to your shoulders. That whole area of your upper back. Letting the energy just flow down. Down through your vertebrae. Feeling it on the backside of your body. And also on the front side through your chest. Slowing down. Down to your abdomen. Down to your pelvis. On down to your glutes. Feeling them against the chair, on down to your upper thighs, the energy flowing on down into your knees. They can relax. Sometimes we even hold our knees when they’re still. Let them be soft, not having to do any work. On down into your calves. And down to your ankles. And your feet. Let your toes relax, and spread out a little bit. Let go of any tension. Feel the bottoms of your feet against the floor. Bones and muscles not having to do any work. More nice breaths. Letting that energy in the air flow down from the top of your body all the way through like a big soft wave. All of the way down through your body. Then taking a moment to just be in touch with your body. Think about what a great job it does and has done for years and years. How grateful you are. How deserving of thanks your body is for all its gifts, for all its work. And how now is a different era for your body. And for you. For all of you. A time of being loved. Recognizing that you're loved. A time of recognizing the work done in the past doesn’t need to happen anymore. Not having to do it at this time. Not needed. This is a time for being grateful. A time for all the work to be: being grateful, enjoying, relaxing. It doesn’t have to do anymore to earn that love. It’s already got it. Just take a few moments to enjoy that feeling of relaxed presence, safety, love, gratitude. Just by breathing. Being aware of it. It’s already part of you. So if you want to, you can ask your body if it has anything that it wants to tell you at this time. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. Which is fine. Either way is fine. When you're ready, start to come back to everyday reality. Bring your energy into that slightly more alert state. Know that this soft present state is always there, always there inside. You can tune into it whenever you want, that you are indeed loved.

[Vic] OK well I'm coming out. This is so wonderful.

[Lou] I’m So glad.

[Vic] I keep noticing. I'm constantly on alert. What I gotta do next. All the things I juggle. And this idea that I really don't have to do that anymore. You know body? You got me this far but those battles are won. Now you get to enjoy the fruits of our labor. I like that message. I like that reality.

[Lou] Awesome.

[Vic] You know I was thinking about or noticing there are birds that hang out waiting for blackberries to ripen and grapes to ripen and then they go eat them. This is just wonderful.

[Lou] Yep. Yep.

[Vic] And I get to watch. These birds are getting less and less uptight noticing that I'm watching. I think they go, “You look like a predator, got the eyes in the front for that. But, maybe not.”

[Lou] That’s awesome.

[Vic] And so I need to learn, my body needs to learn, that life is not a predator for me anymore. Thank you. Well is this an OK place to wrap up the call?

[Lou] You bet. You bet.

[Vic] Then, thank you thank you thank you.

[Lou] You bet you are welcome.