Counseling and Psychotherapy
My Approach
Today, Right Now
I Need Counseling for Practical Skills
Counseling supports your efforts to solve a problem, big or small. But, it is not for advice. Why not? Because the goal is to recognize your strengths, clarify options and make a plan.
Your strengths are your own abilities, your social support, and community resources. Sometimes the plan is to become stronger.
Whenever a person is unhappy with a result, it’s useful to look at the choice that was made and consider any known alternative that was available at that time. Each had pros and cons. What were they? The next step is to think about what to do in order to prepare for another time. It might be to try an already known alternative. But, it might be useful to expand the menu of choices. This could involve speaking with a trusted friend. It could include contacting a community agency. The pros and cons always combine personal and pragmatic issues.
This is strength-based, problem-solving counseling. It is the approach that I use. There are other counseling methods, such as changes in thinking, connection to groups, new schooling, etc.
Counseling provides a safe space to talk about things that matter, to resolve a specific situation. We know instantly when counseling feels safe. What else is needed?
Trust that the counselor is reliable and ethical.
Empathy, the counselor reflects feelings without being overwhelmed.
Respect for each person’s dignity, spirit and purpose.
Yesterday’s Echo
I Need Psychotherapy for Perspective
Psychotherapy, like counseling, is grounded in safety, trust, empathy and respect. The focus of psychotherapy is different. Counseling is focused on the present, psychotherapy reflects on the past. Everyone goes back-and-forth between past and present while the future is reimagined.
There are different kinds of psychotherapy. Each focuses on issues that reappear. There are patterns rooted in the past. It’s like being on an unwanted merry-go-round.
To move forward, an essential ability is to feel pain from the past without being re-injured – and experience joy with confidence. While deeply imprinted life experiences remain, the meaning expands and transforms. Emotional pain becomes power guided by love.
Broadly speaking, psychotherapy that focuses on the individual can be sorted into three groups: psychodynamic, relational and cognitive-behavioral. Some emphasize community such as feminist, intersectional and narrative. All of these are forms of talk-therapy and each can use art, movement, meditation, and so on.
Total Attention
This most basic thing frees us to heal.
There is a credo, “Do No Harm” which is derived from the Hippocratic Oath and it is like an ethical Golden Rule. It tells me to:
be caring and earn trust
pay attention and listen
confirm understanding before giving feedback
There’s something that driving and counseling have in common. We know that safe driving means staying in the lane and signaling a change in direction.
When the therapist stays in this lane, the client’s natural and learned abilities grow. These are the strengths needed to experience past pain without being re-injured and to feel joy with full acceptance. The client becomes energized by the clearer direction of progress and renewed motivation for the journey.
In a successful therapy, the direction of the work is defined by the client’s goals each and every session. These goals lead to methods such as life review, reflection about recent events, stress management, etc. The client is always in the driver seat about whether to continue or wrap things up.
How Does Total Attention Feel?
Martin Buber (1970) used I-You to express human encounter and I-It for objectification, “For the real boundary, albeit one that floats and fluctuates … is between You and It, between presence and object.” (p. 63)
Total attention feels good, Whenever the humanity is absorbed and digested, the experience empowers.
“Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.”
Peasants, David Alfaro Siqueiros, 1913 Source: Museo Nacional de Arte, Mexico https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:David_Alfaro_Siqueiros_-_Peasants_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg
This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published (or registered with the U.S. Copyright Office) before January 1, 1929.
What We Do
A Beginner’s Guide: Counseling & Psychotherapy
Who are “We”? I am referring to licensed psychotherapists, and we vary widely in terms of experience, skills and ethics. So I wrote this outline to help you be in charge of your own psychotherapy. I think it is best to be totally free from insurance rules, but that is not possible for most people. And there are a lot of people seek help from unlicensed persons who use a lot of different methods, and these can be very useful. This short list of key questions and answers can help you have a clear-eyed view of psychotherapy.
What is empathy? Okay, empathy is getting it, what another person’s feeling without being overwhelmed by it. That’s something a therapist, a good therapist, does.
What is compassion? Compassion is supporting another person in their efforts to cope with the natural consequences and conditions of their life without shame or a guilt trip.
Does a therapist license guarantee compassion and empathy? No, it’s just the minimum requirement to practice therapy legally.
Empathy and compassion flow from a life of challenges, a well-rounded life of working with people facing a variety of challenges. It grounds the therapist in the dignity of each person and a curiosity about each individual’s point of view.
What is a clinical method and why does it matter? Each therapist uses methods that fit their own learning style. Perhaps you’ve tried a therapist that was likable but ineffective. Maybe their methods didn’t fit your learning style. Ask the therapist about their methods. Early on make sure you understand and at any time talk about your expectations.
What is a therapist lane? We know that safe driving means stay in your lane and signal before changing directions. The therapist’s lane begins with the most basic rule of them all: Do no harm. And it continues with: Tune in like a receiver, confirm understanding before giving feedback, and provide a safe and trusting place for you to share thoughts and feelings. Your natural abilities lead you to experience pain without re-injury and feel joy with confidence. That frees up energy! In a successful therapy the direction of therapy is defined by your goals each and every session. The methods will vary such as life review, reflection about recent events, stress management and that sort of thing, as well as whether to continue or wrap things up.
How are counseling and psychotherapy different?
Let’s start with counseling. There’s individual and relationship. Each provides a safe place for you to talk about things that matter and resolve a specific situation. You’ve used your abilities to get this far and you’re ready to move forward, building on the strengths and skills you’ve developed and learning some new ones. That’s why you seek counseling.
You’ve made progress from your prior efforts and now it’s time to deal with issues that reappear. To move forward you understand that you can feel pain without being reinjured and you can feel joy with confidence, but it's not as reliable or consistent as you wish. While deeply imprinted life experiences remain, you know that the patterns of living can be changed. And that’s why you seek psychotherapy. You want to convert emotional pain into power guided by love.