Five Love Languages
Salome by Edvard Munch, located at he New York Public Library https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/61f3a86d-5f49-f100-e040-e00a18066c07 This work is in the public domain in the United States because it was published (or registered with the U.S. Copyright Office) before January 1, 1929.
The Golden Rule?
The Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you wish they would do for you.” What if they don’t get it, that what you’re doing is nice? It could be a matter of style or taste, such as music: you love Classical and they say it’s boring. So, we’ll adjust the Golden Rule: “Give to others in a way that they get it.” It's a two-way street, giving and receiving through the Five Love Languages [1] :
Gift Giving
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Brief explanations of each will be followed by worksheet questions.
Gift Giving
Individuals who identify with this form of communication tend to express and feel love through the giving of gifts. The entire act of giving a gift - from the thought, the careful choosing or making a tangible item, and to the actual giving itself - elicits the feeling of affection toward another person.
Quality Time
This expression of love has an emphasis on quality over quantity. Chapman explains, “Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking.” Quality time can be a love language expressed by anyone, and finding ways to express it within your non-romantic relationships is important too.
Physical Touch
It may seem a given that physical touch would make the list of the five love languages, but the psychology behind this form of communication goes deeper than you might think. Touch is the first language we use to communicate as infants. Physical affection is highly correlated with overall relationship and partner satisfaction. Moreover, conflict resolution is easier with more physical affection including hugging, cuddling/holding, and kissing on the lips.
Words of Affirmation
Another love language is verbal communication that is encouraging, affirmative, active, and appreciative. We can express words of affirmation through spoken and written messages, which show our love to others. We need to feel competent, valued, and appreciated. Positive words have this type of power, creating the solid foundations needed to build strong, productive relationships.
Acts of Service
For some people, actions speak louder that words. The actions can flow among routine chores, occasional maintenance or a special project. It could be planning an outing that the other person wants. It could be going somewhere to be supportive, even though you’d rather not. Acts of service often combine with another love language. For example, some people share volunteer service in the community which also involves gift giving and quality time.
Worksheet Questions
How often do you want to receive that kind of love?
Gift Giving
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
What is an example of what you want.
Gift Giving
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Which Love Language is easiest for you to give? How about receiving?
Which one is the most difficult for you to give? How about receiving?
Reference
[1] Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages (1995)
