What can we do to calm down when intense emotions spike and are overwhelming? Our thoughts are racing and words become combative. We become exhausted and wobbly. It’s hard to gain solid footing while nauseated and dizzy. Calming down to re-energize and stabilize becomes the priority. There are two how-to-methods: Self-Care and Relationship-Care.

I listen as others share their thoughts. Sometimes I'll say, "That's a Thought-Mistake" and other times, "You are very clear and powerful!" Every Thought-Mistake contains a clue about power and love; and this is a short how-to guide.

Anger expresses denial of wants/needs and resistance to domination/control [and it] subsides when [they] are satisfied and [there is] relief from domination… What happens if satisfaction of our humanity is hopelessly denied, domination and control is inescapable? One response is rage. Rage lacks empathy for anyone touched by destructiveness. There is a pandemic of defining people as Things and the domination/degradation that flows from that. [It] is ongoing and for that reason healing and empowerment must be perpetual. This is the outline …

Stricken by COVID right before Thanksgiving 2023, in the ER I felt helpless. Later during days in bed at home I had a recurring sensation during fits of coughing and fever and low blood-oxygen: Helpless is familiar to me, it's a ghost from the past and a shadow cast by realities of today. … A client of mine lives in a country alongside the Baltic Sea. Material conditions that support personal health, professional identity and the joy of living began to erode after the end of the Soviet Union, now life is almost unbearable from the effects of Russia's unrestrained war to destroy Ukraine. Last winter, visions of Armageddon, physical pain and social isolation led them to imagine lying in the snow to die by freezing. Sometimes there's power in giving up - we're still talking, we're not surrendering.

Posted by permission granted by Celeste, a dear friend of ours. Diane has known Celeste since she was Assistant to the Producer for Trevor - the movie, and I joined the special group of friends when I became “Mx. Diane”. I present to you the essay because the words of this playwright and human rights activist embodies my idea “Five Ways of Lifetime Healing: Self-Love, Helping Friendships, Villages, Social Justice Work, Tell The Story”. Celeste is Artistic Director and Co-Founder of the Future Perfect and a 2023 Guggenheim Fellow.

A client asked me, “What can I do to feel better?” Over the years I have wondered, is there a simple outline to help a person take care of themselves throughout the ups-and-downs, be they mild or intense?

The Fight-Flight-Freeze response to danger (real or imagined) released molecules to get ready for action. The therapist’s non-threatening way contrasted sharply with the painful sensations felt by the client. In the presence of a trusted therapist healing occurred: emotions were released along with chemicals that calmed. The client relaxed and thought freshly (freed from some toxicity of the past injury.) I call this Emotion Surfing because we ride a wave to a shoreline of rest.

It begins with a commitment to look inward, to take an inward journey. Are you ready for this? Is something you want? Have you done this before? Usually the most transformational work is done with art therapy because the process does draw from within and brings up unconscious material.